Our Story

It all started with a scream.  In January of 2010, I surprised my sister with a flight to Thailand, where she had been living for the past 9 months, teaching English at the Institute for Global Opportunities.  Kelly and I were always really tight, so when I found the need to have my wisdom teeth pulled, the low cost dental services in Thailand provided a perfect excuse to visit her.  Little did I dream what all would come about as a result of that trip…

During my short stay in Thailand, which amounted to just over a week, I had tons of fun with Kelly, but just couldn’t help but notice how attractive her roommate was.  When I say I couldn’t help it, I really mean that.  I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend… I promise I wasn’t.  I was actually quite content as a single man.  I figured that, at the appropriate time, God would show me which girl I should marry, but until that time, I wouldn’t worry about it.  Therefore, I was very determined not to allow myself to develop feelings for Naomi, but they simply preyed on me, regardless of how hard I tried to shrug them off.

My first week was spent in denial of my feelings.  I couldn’t believe that she was really stealing my heart away.  It didn’t matter how beautiful she looked, thoughtfully she talked, freely she laughed, intensely she loved God, loved people, or did anything else.  It didn’t matter how attractive she seemed while she did all of those things.  I was determined to ignore her.  Up to that point, I had known her from a distance, but she always seemed like a grown woman and me a little boy.  It was difficult to admit that we could possibly have a future together; I didn’t think I was ready.

On the start of the second week, I gave up denying my feelings for her.  I admitted (only to myself) that I admired her, and it freaked me out.  Kelly started college classes during the days, and Naomi told me I could come over and hang out if I got bored.  My heart did a few somersaults when I heard that, which made me determined to stay as far away from her as possible.  It felt like I was loosing control of myself… a very bad feeling.  It wasn’t that big of a deal though… we didn’t spend much time together and I was leaving soon, so I could definitively leave her behind me.

I almost told Kelly about my feelings before I left, but I couldn’t.  It was all too surreal.  You’re really not supposed to fall in love with someone when you still know so little about them.  It felt so weird too… all of my other crushes had been so… controllable; I couldn’t figure out how this girl managed to obtain such a violent grip on my feelings.

As I exchanged a tearful goodbye with my sister and prepared to board the airplane, I decided to take control of the situation once an for all.  Being the well rounded person that my ego has always told me I am, I decided to write a paper describing all the reasons that I had feelings for this girl.  I could then use the situation as a moment of healthy introspection, to learn more about myself and my values.  In a few minutes I had typed a page full of reasons, complete with examples, of why I felt the way I did.  I saved the paper in a private folder, closed the computer, and blasted into the sky, determined to leave the country and the woman behind me… forever.

Kelly and I had known each other since 2007 when we were students at IGo and we’d come to be very close friends. After we left Thailand, we stayed in touch regularly through phone calls and visits. She became like a sister to me… there was virtually nothing that we hid from each other and our friendship was of the kind that constantly sharpened and pushed both of us into a closer relationship with God. But there was no one that I had more fun with either. We never dreamed when we said goodbye after IGo that we’d ever come back to work and live in Thailand, and yet here we were, living together at the staff girls’ house, she working with the IGo English Center and I working with IGo’s Ransom Ministries.

It was nearly six months after I had moved to Thailand that Kevin showed up. Kelly and I had been having the time of our lives because most everyone else had gone home for Christmas so we had the house to ourselves. And so when Kevin walked in the door that Sunday morning, I couldn’t help but feel just a wee bit annoyed at the ‘disruption to the peace’, even though I was so excited and happy for Kelly’s sake that he was here.

There is no specific moment that I can remember that jump started feelings of attraction for my friend’s kid brother. It was more something that just grew on me. I knew so little of him, except of what Kelly had told me about him. She respected and loved him so much so I automatically respected him as well. But it wasn’t long until I couldn’t help but respect and admire him for his own sake. He was so full of charisma and so genuine; one minute would have us helpless with laughter and the next engaged in serious conversation. I was so impressed with his adept way of handling women and their emotions (i.e. video at top of page) and in all my interactions with him, he only treated me with honor and respect.

Although we may have only spent an accumulative five minutes alone together, it wasn’t hard to see that this young man loved Jesus, loved people and had a vision for his life that motivated and directed his choices. He suddenly didn’t seem so much like a “kid brother’ anymore… this a was a man who any woman would be proud and honored to follow. But… there wasn’t a chance that he was interested in me. 

It was a terrifying feeling, realizing that I was falling in love with him. I wasn’t supposed to be falling in love with anybody! I had my life planned out for the next three years, maybe the next ten! I was content without a man… I didn’t need a man, right? Besides, it just wouldn’t do to fall in love with my best friend’s brother. It was just so scary… I remember praying before heading downstairs to face Kevin and asking God to please put a guard over my eyes because I was so afraid the emotions rolling inside would show and I definitely didn’t want either Kelly or Kevin to have any idea of what was going on in my heart.

It was such a relief when he left. I could finally get on with  my life. He was just Kelly’s brother, he had his own life to live and would make an incredible husband for some lucky young woman someday. He didn’t like me. I didn’t like him (okay, i did just a little). And that was that.

When I arrived home, I did my best to fulfill my commitment to leave Naomi behind me.  It didn’t work very well.  She continued to fill my thoughts.  Just to relieve the pressure, I decided to tell my mother and see if she could offer any advice… at least tell me that the feelings are normal and will probably go away.  I told my mother, but she didn’t respond how I had hoped.  She became instantly and unnecessarily excited, told me that my little sister had been hoping that we would get hooked up, and that I should talk to my father.  Needless to say, that didn’t help to straighten things out for me.  I saw no reason to talk to anyone else about it.

About a week later, my father engaged me in a conversation about girls.  Somewhere in the course of the conversation, Naomi came up.  He seemed fascinated by my perspective on her.  I got it off my chest, so that was nice.  I figured then that there could be a possibility of a relationship with her, but only far into the future.  I was content to leave it at that.

A week later my father pulled me aside.  He said, “Kevin, your mother and I have talked and prayed about Naomi, and we’re giving you our blessing to pursue a relationship with her.”  I was floored.  NOBODY SEEMED TO GET IT.  I didn’t want a relationship with her.  I was only a victim of some kind of temporary emotional instability syndrome.  It was only a passing weakness… or so I thought.

For the next few weeks I prayed hard about what I should do.  I was kinda hoping that enough time with God would straighten me out and I could find a good reason to forget the whole ordeal.  But it didn’t work that way, I just felt more and more strongly that this was somehow God’s will for me.  I felt a deep sense of peace about pursuing her in a relationship.

This led to the next problem.  I didn’t know how to move forward.  I didn’t know hardly anything about her or her family and I didn’t dare tell Kelly what was going on.  Even though Kelly and I were extremely transparent with each other, I knew that so were Kelly and Naomi.  I figured it would be almost impossible for Kelly to try to hide what was going on from Naomi without putting alot of strain on their relationship.  So I decided to wait, there was no hurry anyway.

Soon afterwards, I was invited to a conference where I met a pastor from Naomi’s church.  When he introduced himself as her pastor, it seemed like the only chance I would have in a long time to find a link to her father.

After obtaining an email address for Naomi’s dad, I knew nothing better than to write him and let him know what I was thinking.  I figured that if anything would ever develop of the fiasco, it wouldn’t hurt to get the ball rolling.  After a few weeks of emails, phone calls, and even a personal visit, he told me that he and his wife also approved of the relationship, and that they thought I should talk to Naomi about it.

Having nothing better to do, I wrote her an email.  I told that I admired her, couldn’t get her out of my mind, and had blessing to ask for her hand in courship.  I then waited for her response, and waited… and waited.

I had been asked to be dean of IGo’s Asian Bible School during the month of March, so I was spending my nights over at school and would only see Kelly during the day. It was sometime during that time that I noticed something was really bothering Kelly. I asked her what was going on and she simply said that there was something going on at home that she couldn’t talk to me about, but that sometime I would find out. True to our friendship, I didn’t pry and she offered no more information. Little did I know that the ‘situation at home’ involved me and her younger brother!

Saturday, March 27, was the last day of ABS and I came home that morning, exhausted. I told Kelly I was going to my room. She knew that Kevin had already sent the email to me and assumed that I had read it and needed time alone to process. I didn’t know a thing, however and fell asleep on my bed. About an hour later she text me and asked if she could come in. I was a little surprised because Kelly never asks to come over to my room… she just comes in! But I told her that yes, I  was awake. She soon saw that I still was quite oblivious to the impending drama unfolding in my life. So we laid on the bed and talked.

But it wasn’t long till she got up and said, “Hey, I’m going downstairs to check the laundry. I think you should check your email because there’s an email there you need to read.” So she left and I lazily flipped open my computer. There in the middle of maybe five emails was an email from Kevin Shenk . I instinctively knew what was going on and my heart started pounding.  But for some reason I opened the other emails before I allowed myself to click on that glaring email so ironically entitled Only To Lessen the Shell Shock.  

There is no possible way to put into words the barrage of emotions that attacked me as I read down through that email. Matter of fact, I didn’t even finish it before I closed the computer, put my head down in my arms and sobbed. Kelly found me a few minutes later and for the next 20 minutes or so held me while I released all the conflicting emotions of anger and excitement and fear through my tears and questions.

Strangely, even in the middle of wrestling with all the ambiguous feelings, there was a deep assured peace in my heart. In those first few moments, I already knew what my answer would be. I couldn’t have explained how I knew, but I knew that this was of God and that I would say yes.

The next week was full of wrestling for me. I was in the first year of a three year commitment to Ransom Ministries. And in the first conversation with my dad about the situation, he informed me that he had told Kevin that I wasn’t coming home a day earlier then the time I had committed for. It just wasn’t good timing to start a relationship. I had never wanted to date for a long period of time, much less across the world. If I started this relationship, it meant death to my dreams of living and working in Thailand long-term. How could I possibly balance a growing relationship with Kevin while still staying engaged in my work here? And yet I wanted it, more then anything else I’d ever longed for before; I wanted to date Kevin Shenk!

After a few lengthy conversations between my parents, the IGo administration, and myself, I was ready to give Kevin his answer. I emailed him a week later, and told him I would be delighted to be his girlfriend!

April 6, 2010 we had our first date using Skype. Surprisingly enough, for how little we knew of each other, that first phone conversation lasted for an hour and a half! And the following three phone dates were each an hour longer then the previous one. There was virtually nothing awkward about it all… the conversation flowed as easily as if we’d known each other for years.

For the next six months we talked twice a month. These phones calls, while they weren’t frequent, laid a solid foundation for our relationship. We learned to know each other in a very objective way that helped us confirm our suspicions that we were perfect mates for each other.

When Naomi finally came home for a visit in September, we had the time of our lives together.  After spending time with both of our families, and lots of time walking, eating, and working together, we both knew without a doubt that we would marry some day.  After a Christmas visit in Thailand, and a spring visit in the states, Kevin finally asked Naomi to marry him, an offer which she unhesitatingly accepted.

Between dozens of phone calls and one final visit in Thailand, we’ve finally planned our wedding, and are excited to move on to the next step.  After a love story that contains such unmistakable traces of divine conspiracy, we anticipate a very exciting life of following Jesus together.